SWEET NECTAR OF LOVE

I got drunk.

Well you are thinking, what's new in that bloke? Well let me ask you this - how old were you when you first consumed liquor ?
Twelve ?….Eleven?
I was two years and 7 months old when I first had my share of liquor, nope...not at all kidding. Bow down before me for I did it before it was cool, frankly..it was far from cool.

This great saga goes back to many years, when my Aunt introduced me to the love of my life, Kaala-Paani. Nope, not the infamous prison in Andaman. Of course, not the prison. Do not let your imagination run wild this is my saga let me guide you through it. Kaala-Paani was another name for...wait for it...Coca-Cola (a carbonated soft drink). 

I know what are you thinking, why such descriptive yet weird name, right ? Well, I wonder the same, why did she not teach me its real name. I mean how hard would it had been for me to learn saying Coca Cola. I mean imagine me saying to people I like Kaala-Paani, what was one supposed to make of it. But, then when was the last time your relatives did something that made you happy?......Exactly.

So, yeah..the first time we met was in one of the weddings. She took no time to catch my attention and then did not lose it. She seemed sweet, I could feel something dark in her ..something fizzy. She tasted like an exotic nectar sent straight from heaven, she was the best thing I had drank till then, milk was nowhere near. My Aunt appeared to be no less than Sophia - the angel of love to have introduced me to Kaala-Paani.

I was from head to tow in love with her.

She was totally wonderful, not even a single day passed we did not meet.

I remember, I used to move mountains to meet my love(read cry my eyes out and roll on the floor).You know how first love is, right?

But then, where there is love, there shall be heartbreaks.

I clearly remember that day, it was a holiday. Mom and dad were in the garden and my elder brother was in the next room. Suddenly my urge for Kaala-Paani reached its peak and I started wandering everywhere to find her just like an addict on withdrawal symptoms. I remembered that dad had brought a bottle the day before but what I did not know that it had already finished. 

After some futile searching I went to the kitchen and there..it was resting below the self.. was my love. The bottle looked a bit different but as they love is blind so who cared. I opened the bottle and took a sip….oh my god!..it tasted so bitter…so awful ,but my love had overtaken my senses and I gulped some more sips.

The next thing I remember I was all wet…my head was hurting a little..did I say little..nope..it was hurting a hell lot. I was being held captive under the shower by my father and was being forced to drink lime juice. My mother was shoving a toothbrush down my throat, make me vomit I suppose. I could feel foul breath, my foul breath and a weird taste ofcourse. 
The whole night I was made to stand in the same place, being subjected to the same third degree torture. So much for love, eh !

Well it turns out that whom I thought was my beloved Kaala-Paani was in fact liquor and this is what all happened after that- 

After I took some sips, I dropped the bottle and all the booze was on the floor.

I pulled a curtain to support myself and in process detached the rod and and the pelmet.

I fell down from stairs and got a bump on my head. I reached to the ground floor, started playing with a scooter and making vroom vroom (sound of a racing engine accelerating) sounds from mouth while all the neighbourhood children were having a good time watching me go all bonkers.

And such was my first encounter with booze.

So friends, when I tell you I am a teetotaler you have all the reasons in the world to believe me.

Just kidding ! 
Pour one for me will ya ?....with some Kaala-Paani. Cheers !!